My House Kansas City



The
My House blog for the Kansas City, MO "My House" anti-pornography apostolate supported by the Office of Family Life in the Diocese of Kansas City - St. Joseph.

Tuesday, January 23, 2018

Porn as trauma

Fr Sean Kilcawley made a powerful statement that struck me a few months ago.  I don't have the exact quote, but here it is simplified: viewing pornography is traumatic.  I got to thinking about what we normally think of as traumas: car accidents, sexual assault, physical abuse, etc.  These are intense breaches of the human person that are life threatening, how is porn traumatic?  

There are such things as 'little t' traumas.  These are events in life that shut you down, inflict shame, distort the way you see reality.  A critical parent, being bullied, a dad abandoning the family, a sibling intimidating you; these are all in the category of a little t trauma.  

Where is porn on this scale?  First of all, trauma is somewhat subjective as no two people exposed to the same trauma will respond the same.  But if trauma is “from an event, series of events, or set of circumstances that is experienced by an individual as physically or emotionally harmful or life threatening and that has lasting adverse effects on the individual’s functioning and mental, physical, social, emotional, or spiritual well-being” (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration [SAMHSA], 2012, p. 7), then porn seems to fit the first half and second half of the definition.  The first half: men and women feel shame after they watch porn.  This is emotionally harmful.  (See fightthenewdrug.org)

Second, I'm continued to be baffled by the research and experience in my office as a counselor as to what men and women have gone through when they have been exposed to or continue to pursue viewing pornography.  There are links to depression, anxiety, shame, relationship conflict, betrayal trauma inflicted on the partner/spouse and several other symptoms that have 'lasting adverse effects.'
  
Porn is explicit images that are intended to be erotic to lure the consumer to view and act out, typically by masturbating.  This cheapens the human person and the act of sex to a commodity of use.  This is a breach of the integrity of the human person.  If trauma is emotionally harmful and has lasting adverse effects, then according to the research on porn use, it's traumatic to view it and consume it.  

Monday, January 8, 2018

To Know or Be Known

This is an article written by one of the Center for Healing's Therapists, Chris Ellman, MSW, LCSW.  He has been working with the Center for about a year and a half now, doing great work with married couples and individuals.  His contact information is christopher.ellman@gmail.com

To Know or Be Known

"We all love to know things, don't we? Whether it's the stats on our favorite athletes, the latest gossip on social media, or the latest political debacle. Not only to we love to know things, we're even rewarded for it by our education system. The more we know, the smarter and more important we feel. But where is the risk in simply gathering facts? 

All the facts and things we know don't have a way of making judgments about us. We feel safe when we keep our relationships fact-based; this makes it easier for us to make judgments about others and ourselves. In his book, Anatomy of the Soul, Dr. Curt Thompson points out that these types of judgments also have a way of reducing our anxiety and increasing our feelings of protection and safety. However, when we limit our relationships in this way, we also become more isolated. 

On the other hand, what happens when we allow ourselves to be know by others? This can be more than just a little scary. When we open ourselves up to be known by another, we make ourselves vulnerable to the other. The risk in being known is that we allow the other to make judgments about us and effect us. By doing so, we give others permission to either reject us or love us. In order to be known, we have to trust the other with our self. Being vulnerable and allowing the other to truly know us is also the pathway to better knowing ourselves. 

When my clients take that risk of opening themselves up to being known, it is in that moment that the Lord's grace floods in and their healing truly begins."

Peace,

Chris Ellman, MSW, LCSW