My four year old is like a monster on the tee-ball field. He goes after every ball, he makes unnecessary diving plays and throws it to whatever base he feels. He smiles, he laughs and it is clear he loves the game. But what if he missed out on this? What would the family dynamics possibly look like?
Have you missed out on play? The literature is out that many who struggle with pornography and sexual addiction grew up in dysfunctional families of origin (Carnes, 1998). There might have been a culture of perfectionism in the home, no mistakes could be made and if they were, criticism was showered. Sometimes a sibling had to take on the role of parenting the little ones, leaving little room for the imagination and a serious sense of responsibility. These families might look rigid, disengaged and emotionally distant (Carnes, 1998). This teaches a little one not to be vulnerable, not to take a risk, some of the key facets to play.
Adolescence hits and the need for play might come out in rebellion or the use of drugs to "let loose" and have a "good time" that they rarely experienced as a kid. Kids have so much energy! Psychology has shown that repressed emotions come out in some form or another. More than likely, in a dysfunctional family, this energy comes out in an unhealthy way at some point.
Don't be worried if some of this description fits you. You can still learn how to play but you'll have to be creative, make time and will it. It won't come natural and your need to control and fear of reprisal will surface. But push through, play with your kids, your spouse. Get into softball, acting or some recreation you've always wanted to do. We all have that kid inside of us...
