It is hardwired within us to be touched, heard and understood, affirmed, included, chosen, blessed and safe. Taking a deeper look at my marriage, whenever an argument or scuffle ensues, I can always take it back to one of these seven desires that I felt was unmet. For example, let's say a husband forgets to ask how his wife's interview went that day. She comes home and is quiet, waiting for the question while helping with the duties of the house and becoming increasingly irritable. She is desiring to be heard by her husband and included in their relationship. Now she has three ways to go about this: 1. Calmly mention the interview and express her feelings of being left out. 2. Lash out and become critical at the way he is washing the dishes. 3. Withdraw emotionally and allow for a 'silent night.'
Which of these desires are you aching for? Which one seems to be missing? Or which one touches your heart deeply and fills you up?
Mike Ciaccio, PLPC
www.catholictherapists.com/ciaccio
This book is written by Mark and Debra Laaser.
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