What is the function of denial? Many men come into therapy with a certain level of defensiveness. They have been caught with pornography, it has been a habit (hidden) and now their wife knows. The husband doesn't want to lose the marriage, thus out of duty he pursues help. A whole host of reasons make up denial, but protecting shame is one of the strongest.
After watching pornography, one clicks the red 'X' and the screen turns blank. He is alone and just acted out. Thousands of other men have looked at the same pics and videos. There is a psycho-spiritual element. The devil accuses and the mind accepts, setting up a man for a myriad of core beliefs from worthlessness to inadequacy. He then puts them in a box, deletes the history on the computer...however as everyone knows, that history is still there and accessible. This compartmentalized box needs to be protected with 'passwords' such as defensiveness, anger, high levels of exercise, food or unhealthy work hours. Shame is the devils work and the mind's field of play.
Shame is a hard emotion to face. But the path to freedom is through it. It's the addict's scourge, crown of thorns and cross. Face the shame with Christ and remember what follows death...the resurrection.
Michael Ciaccio MS, LPC, SATP
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