Increasing numbers of women are using online porn

A recent study done by Internet Filter Review showed that 17% of U.S. women struggle with an online pornography addiction.

This article on the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops "For Your Marriage" website summarizes the contents of the report.
http://foryourmarriage.org/women-and-online-pornography/

You can find the full report here.

The My House groups and individual help is not only for men.  Women who need help can find it by calling the helpline 816-808-6544.

Textual Harassment

I heard an interesting news piece today on the radio about a relatively new phenomenon called "textual harassment."  Obviously this is a play on the words sexual harassment and it describes the abuse of others using sexually explicit text messages and attached pictures.
The news story focused on the need for parents to have access to their teen children's text messages as a way to protect them.  While this might help it certainly highlights the need for parents to know what is going on with their children's technology use.  It also highlights yet another seemingly anonymous avenue for abusive sexual behavior to flourish.
One answer to this problem whether it be in the workplace or to a teenage child or even your spouse is to bring it out into the open.  This kind of behavior cannot remain in the light and persist unless the person who is doing it has become completely unashamed.
In the workplace this harassment would be no different than if it was said face-to-face.  Harassment doesn't end until someone says something about it.  No one deserves to be abused, even verbally or textually in this way.  If you are the victim of this unseemly behavior please don't just let it persist.  Do something about it. This only exists in our culture if we put up with it.  Someone has to say enough!  If you are a victim of this abuse or if you know someone who is receiving it may that someone be you.

7 Desires of the Heart

It is hardwired within us to be touched, heard and understood, affirmed, included, chosen, blessed and safe.  Taking a deeper look at my marriage, whenever an argument or scuffle ensues, I can always take it back to one of these seven desires that I felt was unmet.  For example, let's say a husband forgets to ask how his wife's interview went that day.  She comes home and is quiet, waiting for the question while helping with the duties of the house and becoming increasingly irritable.  She is desiring to be heard by her husband and included in their relationship.  Now she has three ways to go about this: 1. Calmly mention the interview and express her feelings of being left out.  2. Lash out and become critical at the way he is washing the dishes.  3. Withdraw emotionally and allow for a 'silent night.'

Which of these desires are you aching for?  Which one seems to be missing?  Or which one touches your heart deeply and fills you up?

Mike Ciaccio, PLPC

www.catholictherapists.com/ciaccio  

This book is written by Mark and Debra Laaser.

Men of Valor Conference wrap-up

What a powerful weekend we had at the 9th annual Men of Valor conference.  Both of the keynote speakers gave powerful testimonies about how God has worked in their lives to help them heal from addiction to pornography and experience the new life of freedom from porn's destructive effects.

Michael Ciaccio and I were able to talk to lots of men (and women too at the Friday night event) who learned more about what My House is doing and how they can get involved.

Next year's line up is unknown at this time, but they do have lots of post conference things going on at http://kcvalor.com/.

You might visit them or even visit our page to get involved in the movement to help one another find freedom in Christ.

Don't forget to share the new helpline number with a friend who might need it 816-808-6544.

My House Anti-Pornography Initiative Making New Progress

In 2007 Bishop Finn issued a pastoral letter on the issue of pornography titled, “Blessed are the Pure in Heart.”  The letter provided both clear teaching on this issue and recommendations of what Catholics can do to help those who lives have been hurt by this epidemic. As a result, our diocese began the As For Me and My House initiative (also called My House) to protect families from pornography and provide resources for healing and recovery.

My House is in the process of expanding the number of support groups and has created a new helpline.  Licensed therapist Michael Ciaccio has begun working with the initiative to bring his expertise to this work of healing and hope.  We interviewed him about some of the recent developments with the My House apostolate.
What does My House do/offer?
The My House Initiative offers sound, Catholic one-on-one counseling and group work for men and women struggling with the effects of pornography.  It also helps families become aware of the dangers and educates on ways to keep pornography out of our homes.
What is your role? 
My role as the therapist is to be the “gatekeeper” for the confidential groups by conducting an assessment on a potential group member.  I also offer additional counseling services for the couple or the individual wife or husband.
What led you to do this work? 
After struggling with this issue on my own and finding freedom through the My House Men’s Group conducted by Sam Meier through the Archdiocese of Kansas City, KS, a desire grew within me to help men and women struggling with this issue.  I am in the process of obtaining professional training in the Sexual Addiction Treatment Program at Mid-American Nazarene University to more effectively help those seeking freedom.
What do we know about pornography’s effects on men and women? 
The effects on the brain and psychology of a man can destroy his perception of an intimate, meaningful relationship.  More and more wives call my office because of the traumatic effects (feeling of being cheated on) of the disclosure from their husbands due to their use of pornography.
How would you say to the skeptics out there who say a little porn is not a big deal? 
I would ask them how their sex life is.  There is a strong correlation between men who watch pornography and a decreased pleasure from sexual intercourse.  Instead, more intense and sometimes violent pornography ends up being more pleasurable.  This spirals into isolation and loneliness as the spouse is often left to the wayside.
Is there really hope for someone who wants to find freedom and healing from this? 
A priest once told me, “There is always hope.”  The freedom and healing from this is real through a spiritual and sound, psychological perspective.  This initiative’s holistic view of the person is based on theology, psychology and science.  There is always hope.
Michael Ciaccio, M.S., P.L.P.C., answers the My House helpline (816-808-6544) and offers private counseling as part of the My House initiative.  He also offers counseling services including therapy for married couples and individuals.  He is featured on the Catholictherapists.com website atwww.catholictherapists.com/ciaccio/.

Getting the message to those who need it
New My House sharing cards are available starting in January to make it easy for priests and laypeople to spread the good news about this important healing work in our diocese.  Brochures are also available for distribution.

Christmas stress

I remember a conversation I had with a man who was struggling to stay pure after many years of regularly viewing pornography.  He had been "sober" for several months and then the Christmas season came along.  He came to talk to me about a series of failures he had during Advent and after going to confession he pulled me away from prayer and we talked outside of the church.  Sitting on a bench I listened to him and reminded him that he had already confessed his fall to the priest in the sacrament moments earlier.  He smiled and apologized for laying a burden on me.  I told him there was no need to apologize and I gave him advice I had received when I was first trying to battle for purity.  Christmas is stressful and stress is a common trigger.  I suggested he try not to take the family and work pressures too seriously.  Christmas isn't about the perfect gift or meal.  It's actually about worshiping Jesus and being thankful for the gift that He is.  He smiled again and said "yes, that's it, isn't it."
When the temptation creeps up, the first and best answer is the name of Jesus.  Then, if you need to talk call someone who can help you put it into perspective.
I write this today because I got a call from this young man who lives halfway across the country just to say thanks.  We prayed together and thanked Jesus not just for coming to save us, but for coming to save US, even from this sin.
Remember to share the my house helpline with those you love. 816-808-6544
Merry Christmas!

New My House sharing cards and brochures

Getting help is only a phone call away.

This is the message communicated by the new sharing cards and brochures.  With a new helpline phone number men and women in need can talk to someone who understands and who knows how start the healing process. 

The trick is getting this good news out into the community.  That's where you come in!

Contact us to get a supply of cards (business card size) or brochures to distribute.  Give them to others to share in a non-confrontational way by simply asking them to spread the good news.  They might even need it for themselves or someone they love.

There are so many people whose lives have been or are being destroyed by the scourge of pornography.  Isn't it about time we do something about it? 

-Dino